This was the name of a band that came to me while I was doin’ time. In the loony bin that is. A place where I would write down cool band names all over my notebooks.
Let me give you a little background. 14 years ago, I was 14. (Yes, that means I’m traversing the treacherous waters of what is called the “Saturn Return” – more on that later). I was into punk rock, dying my hair bright colors, writing poetry, drawing, and cutting my wrists.
Anyway, as my eyes opened to how the world really is, and I saw how fucked up and crazy it all was (and is), looking back, it seems I kinda freaked out because I did not have the proper tools/support to handle these overwhelming feelings.
At the age of 15 I attempted suicide by overdose. The next day I was told I would be going to a hospital for a day or two for testing.
I was then locked up for 30 days and released on the day before my 16th birthday. Of course by then my body was fully accustomed to the medley of antidepressant drugs and thyroid medication force fed to me. For so long my body had resisted – for the first two weeks the drugs had no effect, and then eventually resistance became futile and the chemicals began to turn me into someone I was not. I’d also like to mention that the only reason the hospital let me stay so long is because my father’s work gave really good insurance. I saw many people come and leave prematurely because their “insurance ran out”. By the time they let me go, they said there was nothing more they could do.
I will be writing more posts about the lessons I’ve learned from that experience. First of all, I can tell you what happens inside those institutions, and the majority is harming rather than hurting. I also saw firsthand what worked and what didn’t.
I’m writing this because recently I noticed more mainstream media covering the topic of mental illness. I just saw this Natural News article which inspired this post – http://www.naturalnews.com/041478_psychologists_mental_health_industry_secrets.html#ixzz2b16cuf71
And recently watched this TED talk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHHPNMIK-fY
I’ve also been going through a bit of darkness lately, and hopefully these posts will help inspire others to heal, as well as myself.